THE BALLAD OF THE BLUE CYCLONE
(Glen Sutton)
Ray Stevens


Well, you've heard of Samson and Hercules, they both brought a lot of folks to their knees,
And throughout history their legends have grown and grown.
Then there was Tarzan and Superman and Captain Marvel with the cool Shazam,
But there weren't even any that compare to the Blue Cyclone.

In a little bar one Wedensday night, me and ole Bill was about half tight,
Comparin' Dolly Pardon to Lana Turner and Liz.
When Bill winked at me and downed his beer and said, "Hoss, there ain't nothin' happenin' here!"
"Let's go to the rasslin' matches where the action is!"

Well, I'd never seen the matches before and when we reached the arena door,
The crowd was already backed up out in the street.
And people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle, just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle,
We had to fight like hell but we finally got ring side seats.

Then we bought a progam as we passed though the door, went section D, seats three and four,
And about that time the announcer stepped in the ring.
He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed, we got a tag team match that'll blow 
yer mind!"
And they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream.

He introduced the Spider from parts unknown with his trusty partner, the Blue Cyclone,
They were takin' on a team that never had been beat.
Well, the ref checked 'em over the rules were explained, and somebody hollered, "The Spider's 
got a chain!"
And in come the Vulture with his manager, Sneaky Pete.

Then they rang the bell and all hell broke loose, my legs were shakin' like a rubber goose,
'Cause I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war! 
Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin then he body slammed him then he did it again,
And I swear I didn't see how that cat could take much more.

Then a little old lady right next to me, why, if she was a day, she was eighty-three,
But she raised more sin than any man I've ever seen.
She screamed and cussed in the Cyclone's face til they carried her away like a basket case,
Then the po-lice came and formed a circle around the ring.

Then on the second row up jumped a man, I could see a pocket knife in his hand.
He hollered, "Let me in there and I'll mop up the floor!"
His wife reached up and grabbed his sleeve and I saw him breath a sigh of releif,
And then he sat down and he never did say no more.

It was right about there in the thick of things that my buddy, Bill threw a chair in the ring,
And that's when I knew that we'd better head for the door.
'Cause I saw that Cyclone lookin' at us and he rubbed his head and started to cuss,
And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure.

Well, where we'd parked wasn't that far and Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car,
And locked the doors and wasn't 'bout to let nobody in.
And I turned around and Cyclone was there and he said, "Hey, punk! You forgot yer chair!"
And by the look in his eyes I knew that this was the end.

Then he jumped up real high in the air and both feet caught me with a flyin' mare,
And I saw stars when I hit that hard concrete.
It broke both of my arms and three of my ribs, it's the closet thing I've come to bein' killed,
That's the last thing I remember before he put me to sleep!

Put that sleeper on me.....
You know, I oughtta slam Bill! Heh! Lockin' the car doors like that!
Left me out there to fight the Cyclone by myself......
Heh! I ain't a rassler!
I'll tell you one thing..... Cyclone was lucky I was drinkin'!
Soon as I get well.......... He's had it! 
I'll get him if it's the last thing I ever do ........