THE DRINKING MAN'S DIET
(Allan Sherman)
Allan Sherman - 1965


Oh, I'm on The Drinking Man's Diet
It came from a book I was loaned
It's really terrific 
And quite scientific
And I'm half stoned
For breakfast some corn flakes and vodka
But corn flakes have carbohydrates
So I don't eat those fattening corn flakes
I eat the vodka straight

Drink, drink, everyone drink
It's not as bad as we used to think
With every Manhattan
Your stomach will flatten
So drink, drink, drink

The Air Force invented this diet
A fact which they hotly deny
Of course they'd deny it
'Cause this is the diet
That got the Air Force high
For lunch you can have three martinis
What better lunch is there than that?
But caution: do not eat the olives
'Cause olives make you fat

Drink, drink, everyone drink
It's not as bad as we used to think
If pounds you would burn off
Then turn on your Smirnoff
And drink, drink, drink

For dinner a nice scotch and soda
Now that oughta help you to lose
No whipped cream, no butter
Just lay in the gutter
And booze, booze, booze
Suppose you should meet a policeman
Who says you've been quenching your thirst?
You just tell him it's physical fitness
And health comes first!

Drink [hic] drink [hic] booze everywhere
Pass that decan'er of bourbon, there
I'm fatter than ever
But here's what's so clever -
It's I ... DON'T ... CARE ...!!!