THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
From the Broadway show "Woman Of The Year" (1981)
(Fred Ebb / John Kander)

Lauren Bacall & Marilyn Cooper (Stage Production) - 1981
Brenda Pressley & Karen Mason - 1991


I`LL BET YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL CELEBRITIES.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU CAN MAKE A POT ROAST.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU BROWN AN ONION.
IS YOUR PICTURE UP AT SARDI`S?

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU CAN CLEAN AN OVEN.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU GET THE E-Z OFF!
AH, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE`S ESTATE.
AH, THE MEAT IS ALWAYS LEANER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE`S DINNER PLATE.
BUT YOU CAN SEW A BUTTON ON.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

BET YOU GO TO DISCOS.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU TAKE A VALIUM!
I CAN SEE YOU PLANNING PICNICS.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

EATING AT THE WHITE HOUSE!

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST THEY PASS THE JELLY BEANS.
AH, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE`S FRONT LAWN.
AH, SOMEBODY ELSE`S WIENER
ALWAYS HAS A LOT MORE RELISH ON.
YOU SAVED THE WHALES IN NEW FOUNDLAND.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU CAN RUN A HOUSEHOLD.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU HAVE A BREAKDOWN.
YOU`RE ALWAYS IN THE MAGAZINES.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU CAN HOLD A HUSBAND.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

THERE`S MORE TO LIFE THAN HUSBANDS.
I COULD USE A HUSBAND
YOU CAN HAVE MY HUSBAND.
I`VE ALREADY HAD YOUR HUSBAND!
AH, IT MAKES YOU KIND OF TEARY.
AH, THINK ABOUT IT, DEARIE.
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
IN SOMEONE ELSE`S YARD.
IT`S HARD!
I`LL BET YOU ALWAYS RIDE IN LIMOUSINES.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU`VE GOT TIME FOR LUNCHEONS.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU SELL THE TUPPERWARE.
THE PUBLIC WANTS YOUR AUTOGRAPH.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU RAISED A TEENAGED DAUGHTER.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU FIND HER DIAPHRAGM.
AH, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
WHERE SOME OTHER TENANT PAYS RENT.
AH, THE TEETH ARE ALWAYS CLEANER
IN SOMEBODY ELSE`S POLIDENT.
DO YOU KNOW WHO YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE?

THAT`S WONDERUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU KNOW RONA BARRETT.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

FIRST YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
I BET YOU SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

YOU CAN MAKE HEADLINE.

THAT`S WONDERFUL!
WHAT`S SO WONDERFUL?

I`D RATHER HAVE A POT ROAST.
SO GO BROWN AN ONION.
AND HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET.
YOU`VE ALREADY HAD MY HUSBAND!
AH, EVERYONE`S A VICTIM
OF THIS DUCKY LITTLE DICTUM:
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
IN SOMEBODY ELSE`S YARD.
IT`S HARD!