THE PHILOSOPHERS SONG
(Monty Python)
Monty Python


Immanuel Kant was a real pissant,
Who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger,Heidegger,was a boozy begger,
Who could drink you under the table,
David Hume could out-consume,
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a boozy swine,
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel,
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach yer 'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill of his own free will,
On half a bottle o' shandy was particularly ill,
Plato they say,could stick it away,
Half a crate o' whisky every day,
Aristotle,Aristotle,was a bugger for the bottle,
Awfully fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink therefore I am",
Yes,Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.



(Transcribed by Steve McInerney - June 2003)