TRANSISTOR RADIO
Benny Hill - 1961


My baby’s got a transistor radio
She takes it everywhere we go
She takes it when we go out a-walking
Even to a movie show
Well now, just last night, in the pale moonlight
I asked her for a kiss
But instead of hearing her whisper sweet words of love
All that I could hear was this

(Radio: 4 lines of high-pitched singing, sounding like Pinky & Perky)

I went round to the house where my baby lives
To ask her for a date
There I was, walking up the garden path
Round about half past eight
When I heard a sound, made my poor heart pound
It stopped me in my stride
I seemed to hear the voice of another guy
Coming from inside

(Radio: Elvis take-off, singing I wonder if you’re lonesome tonight -
Maybe that’s ‘cause you’re eleven feet tall
And all the world’s a stage, I have often heard that said
But I don’t have a wooden heart
I have a wooden head)

I’d like to take her transistor radio
And throw it in the deep blue sea
I’m so jealous of her transistor radio
‘Cause it takes her mind off me
I said, Oh baby, please be mine
I want you for my own
Tell me, is your love for somebody else?
Or is it for me alone?

(Radio: Male presenting dance music requests from British Honduras, 
New Guinea, and British West Hartlepool)

I swore to her that I would always be true
And love her all the while
And oh, that oh so happy day 
I took her down the aisle
Now, do you take this man to be your loving husband?
The preacher softly said
But he never heard you say, I do
‘Cause this is what he heard instead

(Radio: Singing, Yeah, yeah
You told me you were just eighteen on the telephone
I thought that you meant eighteen years
But you meant eighteen stone
Big fat mama}

We went to spend our honeymoon down on the Island of Capri
I found myself a very small hotel as quiet as could be
But when I got up to our room upon our wedding night
This is the sound that reached my ears 
As I switched out the light

(Wife) Darling? 
(Husband) ‘Ere, where’s the radio?
(Wife) Music he wants!