WALTER, WALTER (LEAD ME TO THE ALTAR)
(Haines / Harper / Forrester)

Gracie Fields


Walter and me 'ave been courtin' for years,
But he's never asked me to wed.
When Leap Year comes round
I give three hearty cheers,
Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray
Because I do the asking instead.
I don't want to die an old maid,
So I sing him this serenade:

Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar,
I'll make a better man of you.
Walter! Walter! Buy the bricks and mortar,
And we'll build a love nest for two.
My bottom drawer's all packed and ready,
My bridal gown's as good as new.
Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar,
And make all my nightmares come true.

I took him round to the furniture shop
And I showed him a nice double bed.
But when I felt sure
That the question he'd pop,
He popped to the pictures instead.
I still have to play the same part,
He must know this chorus by heart:

Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar.
I don't cost much to keep in food.
Walter! Walter! Mother says you oughter,
So get me while she's in the mood.
You know I'm very fond of chickens;
We'll raise a lovely little brood.
Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar,
And I'll show you where I'm tattooed.

Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar,
Don't say I've met my Waterloo.
Walter! Walter! Tears are tasting salter
And I've lost my handkerchief too.
Don't muck the goods about no longer,
My old age pension's nearly due.
Walter! Walter! Lead me to the altar,
It's either the Workhouse or you.


(Contributed/Transcribed by Bill Huntley - April 2005)