WE CAN'T LET YOU BROADCAST THAT!
(Norman Long 1932)

Norman Long (vocal & piano)
recorded 1932


Now the BBC
Once wrote to me
And said, "Dear Norman Long,
We thought you'd like
To face the mike
With your piano, smile and song.
So will you bring your repertoire
Along for us to see,
To go over it with a pencil
Of the blue variety!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
To the studio I flew,
I said, "Here's a nice song called Violets",
They said, "Oh that's much too blue!".
I said, "Is Robin Adair alright?",
They said, "Robin Adair my hat!
Just think of the bald-headed men you'll upset,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
'Cause I was starting to tire,
I said, "Well here's a good one,
A song called Strike the Lyre".
They said, "Strike The Liar?
What on earth do you think you're at?
With thousands of barristers listening in,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
Found one of modern times,
There Was A Young Fellow Of Somewhere,
They shouted, "Stop, that's fimes!
If you went and put over that one,
You'd have us all on the mat!
The old lady of Kent might be listening in, 
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
To please the listening throng,
I said, "Now here's a good one,
The Volga Boatman's Song".
But they hated vulgar boatmen
And discouraged vulgar chat,
And songs about rude sailors are barred,
"We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
And found an army one,
There's Something About A Soldier,
But they said, "That can't be done!
There's Something About A Soldier
Would get over nice and pat
To a sergeant's wife and fourteen kids,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
The position was getting grave,
I said, "Now here's a nautical song,
A Life On The Ocean Wave".
They said, "Life On The Ocean Wave
With all those cruises on the mat?
Why you're advertising the steamship lines,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
I was getting fed up to the roots,
Now here's a good song by Kipling,
A military song called Boots".
He said, "My dear good fellow,
Do you realise what you're at?
You're advertising a chemistry firm,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I looked my list of songs up,
And produced a drinking song,
But they said, "This is published by Boosey,
Dear dear dear, that's all wrong!
The song's marked "sing with spirit" too,
Why it's like a brewery vat!
It's "two in a bar", that's barred as well,
We can't let you broadcast that!".

So I packed my list of songs up,
And said, "Hang it, I won't sing!
Would you like some adagio dancing
Or a spot of conjuring?
Trick cycling?  Walk the tightrope?
I'm a darned good acrobat!
And I'd like to tell you what they said,
But I can't even record that!



(Transcribed by Peter Akers - February 2014)