WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH UNCLE ARTHUR?
>From the TV Series "Upstairs, Downstairs" (1971-75)
(Music: Alexander Faris / Lyrics: Alfred Shaughnessy


Pauline Collins (TV Soundtrack) - 1973





As performed in the TV Show:


What are we gonna do with Uncle Arthur
A blinkin' stallion is Uncle Arthur
When he goes a-strollin' in the park
Watch your step, girls, especially after dark

Any old skirts a flirt for Uncle Arthur
He's over eighty, but how he can run
"Give us a kiss, M'Dear", he'd say
And tickle you up the boom-de-aye
And say it was just a 'armless bit o' fun
A nice bruise on you where you sit
A let me go, Uncle Arthur, kind o' fun

What are we going do with Uncle Arthur
'Ave him doctored like a tomcat, No!
You'd 'ave thought by now he'd had his fill
But me Aunt can't bloody well keep him still

Saturday night'll find him at the boozer
'Avin' a quick one, then off he will pop
Straighten his hat and up the street
As light as a feather on his feet
A dirty old man who'd come, my daughter
I'm glad he's not the sort'a
Know when it's bloody well time for him to stop

Hold on to your ha'penny, girls, he's behind ya!


********************


As recorded for record release:


What are we gonna do with Uncle Arthur
A blinkin' stallion is Uncle Arthur
When he goes a-strollin' in the park
Watch your step, girls, especially after dark

Any old skirts a flirt to Uncle Arthur
He's over eighty, but how he can run
"Give us a kiss, M'Dear", he'd say
And tickle you up the boom-de-aye
And say it was just a 'armless bit o' fun

What are we gonna do with Uncle Arthur
'Ave him doctored like a tomcat
You'd'a thought by now he'd had his fill
But me Aunt can't bloody well keep him still

Saturday night'll find him at the boozer
A couple o' pints there, then off he will pop
Straighten his hat and up the street
As light as a feather on his feet
A dirty old man who don't know when to stop

(Instrumental Break)

What are we gonna do with Uncle Arthur
A public nuisance is Uncle Arthur
Though he's bald, deaf, dirty and decayed
He's the uncrowned king o' the esplanade

Nothin' on earth can seem to damp his ardour
He's tryin' 'arder the older he grows
One of these days he'll 'ave to die
What will he get up to in the sky
Well, Heaven and Uncle Arthur only
You can be sure he won't be lonely
Heaven and Uncle Arthur only knows

Oi, Saint Peter, if there's any female angels up there
Tell 'em to keep their wings done up 
And 'ang on to their trumpets
Uncle Arthur's on his way up!



(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - January 2016)