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WHAT'S THE GOOD OF A BIRTHDAY (THE BIRTHDAY SONG) Gracie Fields I've had a birthday come today, it's been a bit of a washout too Though I had presents from everyone of the useful kind Without much fun and a bit of a party do Birthdays are jolly my mummy said Ha-ha, mine's finished up being sent to bed What's the good of a birthday if you can't have what you like What's the good of a hankerchief to a fellow who wants a bike They gave me a brush to clean me teeth and a tube of paste as well And it wasn't the paste with the peppermint taste, it was a nasty carbollicky smell So I squeezed all the paste on the carpet for fun And I stood on the toothbrush so that break was done And I won't use me hanky I'll just let it run What's the good of a birthday And the birthday party too it wasn't much good to me I'd honey sandwiches, then some ham, some trifle jelly with cream and jam And seven big cups of tea And just then I noticed a big pork pie - I couldn't have it - now I ask you why What's the good of a birthday if you can't eat till you're sick What's the good of a piece of cake if a fella can't have his pick They told me I'd be a B.I.G. and that I'd best beware, ha-ha I said B.I.G.'s are happier than me, so why should I bloomin'well care Then I crept in the larder and guess what I got A tin of sardines and I et all the lot, he-he Then I showed them if I could be sick or not, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hoo-hoo It was awful - all over the place When I'd been sick they said that's that and me birthday they said was done They washed me hands and washed me face, I was sent to bed I was in disgrace - just as if being sick was fun They took all me clothes from the bedroom 'Cause then they said I'd have to stay where I was What's the good of a birthday if a fella's sent to bed What's the good of a party, 'ey, if a fella's upstairs instead The Reverend Brown, I knew was down in the dining room below With Mrs Devine and Willy and Jean all laughing with Aunty Flow I wandered and wanted to join in the din but I knew in pyjamas I mustn't go in So I just took 'em off and went down in me skin, ha-ha-ha... Ah, what's the good of a birthday if a fella can't have a joke What's the good of a birthday suit if it shocks all the grown up folk 'Cause now I'm back in bed again and I've promised not to play any more pranks 'Cause mummy's cross and daddy's cross and when daddy's cross he spanks So I'm lying in bed, I'm in more disgrace And I'm smarting and smarting in one certain place And I guess for tonight I should sleep on me head What's the good of a birthday? (Transcribed by Maree Armstrong - August 2003)


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