WHEN FATHER PAPERED THE PARLOUR
(R.P. Weston / F.J. Barnes)


Billy Williams - 1911





Father papered the parlour, but he'd no right to do so
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah
Dee-dah-dee-lam-dee-dah-dah-dah
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah

Our parlour wanted papering
And Pa says it was waste
To call the paperhangers in
And so he made some paste
He got some rolls of paper
A ladder and a brush
And with me Mother's nightgown on
At it he made a rush

When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see Pa for paste
Dabbing it here and dabbing it there
There was paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
And the kids were stuck to the floor
You never saw such a bloomin' family 
So stuck up before

Dum-dah-dum-dah-dah-dah
Hah-hah-hah-hah
What d'you think of poor old Father?
Hah-hah-hah-hah

Diddle-dee-di-dee-di-doh
Hah-hah-hah-hah
You never saw such a bloomin' family 
So stuck up before
Lah-dah-dum-dah-dah-dah-dah
Hah, that's the part I like
Hah-hah-hah-hah

Soon Dad fell down the stairs 
And dropped the paperhanger's can
On little sister Mary 
Sitting there with her young man
The paste stuck them together
As we thought would be for life
We had to fetch the parson in 
And make them man and wife

When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see Pa for paste
Dabbing it here and dabbing it there
There was paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
And the kids were stuck to the floor
You never saw such a bloomin' family 
So stuck up before

Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see Pa for paste
Dabbing it here, hah-hah-hah-hah
There was paste all over......Him!
I say all over......Him!
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah
Lah-dah-dum-see-diddle-dee-di-di
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah

We're never going to move away 
>From that house any more
For Father's gone and stuck the chairs 
And the tables to the floor
We can't find our piana
Though it's broad and rather tall
We think that it's behind the paper
Pa stuck on the wall

When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see Pa for paste
Dabbing it here and dabbing it there
There was paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
And the kids were stuck to the floor
You never saw such a bloomin' family 
So stuck up before

Come on, form a set of Lancers
Form top and bottom lines
Ladies in the centre
Gents in the centre.......Advance!
Come on, mother, don't stand there all night
We want to get the set over
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah
Oh dear, old mother, come on, give us a kiss
You won't, alright, I'll go home to the Wife
Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah


(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - November 2013)


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EXTRA VERSES:

The pattern was 'blue roses' 
With its leaves red, white, and brown
He'd stuck it wrong way up 
And now we all walk upside down
And when he trimmed the edging 
Off the paper with the shears
The cat got underneath it
And Dad cut off both its ears

Now, Father's sticking in the pub
Through treading in the paste
And all the family's so upset
They've all gone pasty faced
While Pa says, now that Ma has spread 
The news from north to south
He wishes he had dropped a blob 
Of paste in Mother's mouth

When Father put the paper on the wall
He put the parlour paper in the hall
He papered up the stairs, he papered all the chairs
He even put a border on grandma's shawl
But the ladder slipped and he began to fall
The pot of paste fell down upon us all
Like birds of a feather, we all stuck together
When Father put the paper on the wall






(Contributed by Mel Priddle - November 2013)