CHRISTMAS DRAGNET (YULENET) Pt.1
(Daws Butler / Stan Freberg / Walter Schumann)

Stan Freberg & Daws Butler - 1953


JOE:
This is the season
My name's Wednesday
My partner's Frank Jones
The Chief's name is Captain Kellogg

December the 24th, Christmas Eve
They brought in a guy named 'Grudge'
When I heard what they booked him on, my blood ran cold
It was a 4096325- 096704: not believing in Santa Claus

4:35 p.m.
I was working the holiday watch out of homicide with Frank

FRANK:
"Hang up your stocking yet, Joe?"

JOE:
"Yeah, just before I come down. You too Frank?"

FRANK:
"Always do. Hung it up early just in case I have to work late
tonight. Wouldn't wanna miss out on when Santa Claus comes you know."

JOE:
"Sure wouldn't, be a shame."

FRANK:
"Whatcha gonna do tomorrow, Joe? Whatcha gonna do on Christmas, you
got any plans?"

JOE:
"Nothin' much."

FRANK
"Why don't you come by the house Joe? We're gonna have Christmas
dinner. You know, all the trimmings: turkey, celery stuffing, oysters
maybe. Chestnuts, all the trimmings, you know. Cranberry sauce,
love'ta have ya. The Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them
little carrot sticks. You know, olives, pickles, scallions. Most
people call them green onions, but they're really scallions. Did you
ever notice that Joe?"

JOE:
"Notice what Frank?"

FRANK:
"How most people call them green onions but they're really scallions."

JOE:
"Uh-huh. Scallions."

FRANK:
"Anytime after two, Joe. Love ta have ya."

JOE:
"Uh-huh. Well I'll see."

FRANK:
"Love ta have ya."

JOE:
"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."

FRANK:
"Love ta have ya."

JOE:
"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."

FRANK:
"Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them little carrot sticks.
You know - olives, pickles, scallions."