I WANT A CASTING COUCH FOR CHRISTMAS
(Jess Hotchkiss / Kay Martin)

Kay Martin - 1962



I want a casting couch for Christmas
One to call my very own
One on which a girl could retire
With an occasional piece in front of the fire

So Santa, don't you be a grouch
Please send me a casting couch

I've been in nearly ev'ry agent's office
I've been to Hollywood and back
My trouble isn't always fallen arches
It's my achin' sacroiliac

I want a couch to call my own
I've come to this decision
The only wwrestling that I'd see
Would be on television

I want a casting couch for Christmas
One to call my very own
One that felt real soft to my skin
And I could even get a little practice in

'Cause I don't wanna be a slouch
On anybody's casting couch

My manager's apartment's really soundproof
Believe me you can't hear a single word
Because he's working on a special theory
That girls should be obscene and not heard

One agent had an office
That really was appealing
He even had a movie script
Projected on the ceiling

I want a casting couch for Christmas
One to call my very own
My dressing room should be gold-starred
So I'll take on all-comers with no holds barred

So Santa, on this I'll vouch
If you'll bring me a casting couch

You'll be surprised how far it gets you
If you show a ju some jitsu
On a casting couch


(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - December 2011)