SANTA'S HAVING A BAD NIGHT


Twas the night before Christmas, 
And all through the house, 
All the stomachs were churning, 
Cause they ate that dumb mouse. 

When down through the Chimney, 
Did Saint Nick fall, 
the alarm was tripped, 
and to the police went a call. 

He fell on his face, 
and let out a big roar, 
then fell loose bricks, 
there were forty or more. 

Bruises and scratches, 
and a bump on his head, 
Santa fell down, 
Perhaps he was dead? 

Alas he was not, 
and up he staggered, 
slightly drunk and 
cursing Jimmy Swaggart. 

A black and white pulled up 
with red lights a'flashing, 
Ole' Saint Nick just started 
and said, "S-S-S-Simply ssssmashing." 

The Family awoke, 
and readied their Mace, 
And Ole Nick just 
fell flat on his face. 

The police rushed in, 
but before they could react, 
Eight tiny reindeer 
Started to attack. 

The fighting went on 
At a sickening pace, 
Santa wasn't much help, 
He was still on his face. 

The violence was terrible. 
The car, how it flew! 
But finally into "the drunk tank" 
St. Nicholas they threw. 

They took him to the station, 
And threw the old man away, 
But eight tiny reindeer sprang him, 
And he hopped back in his sleigh. 

And I heard him exclaim, 
As he drove out of sight, 
"Screw you all and 
Make your own Christmas Night!"