THE ELEVEN HOURS OF CHRISTMAS

Jim Haynes


By the first hour of Christmas the kids are all awake -
ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the second hour of Christmas the kids begin to make -
TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the third hour of Christmas the toys begin to break -
THREE broken toys, TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the fourth hour of Christmas your head begins to ache -
FOR no one enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise..... ONE can tell it's
Christmas Day.

By the fifth hour of Christmas you just have to take -
FIVE aspirin please....FOR no one enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise....
ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the sixth hour of Christmas you make a big mistake -
SIX cans of beer, FIVE aspirin please.... FOR no one enjoys. THREE broken toys,
TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the seventh hour of Christmas - your hands begin to shake -
SEVEN relatives appear, SIX cans of beer, FIVE aspirin please.... FOR no one
enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the eighth hour of Christmas dinner has been baked -
ATE too much again, SEVEN rels appear, SIX cans of beer, FIVE aspirin please....
FOR no one enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise....ONE can tell it's
Christmas Day.

By the ninth hour of Christmas your stomache starts to quake -
NINE hours of pain, ATE too much again, SEVEN rels appear, SIX cans of beer,
FIVE aspirin please.... FOR no one enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise....
ONE can tell it's Christmas Day

By the tenth hour of Christmas you're eating Auntie's cake -
TEN rows have started, NINE hours of of pain, ATE too much again, SEVEN rels
appear, SIX cans of beer, FIVE aspirin please.... FOR no one enjoys, THREE
broken toys, TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

By the eleventh hour of Christmas- go home for goodness sake -
ELEVEN couples parted, TEN rows have started, NINE hours of pain, ATE too much
again, SEVEN rels appear, SIX cans of beer, FIVE aspirin please.... FOR no one
enjoys, THREE broken toys, TOO much noise.... ONE can tell it's Christmas Day.

IF I get that old wishbone, I will make three wishes.
I'd wish that I was on my own every single Christmas,
I'd wish that I could disappear when relatives intruded,
I'd wish with noisy toys each year...batteries weren't included!


(Contributed by Shelley Botka - August 2005)