THE JOLLIEST FAT MAN
(Laverne & Shirley - 1976)
Michael McKean (Lenny)  David L. Lander (Squiggy)



Squiggy:
It was Christmas Eve night at the poorhouse,
And all of the paupers were there,
I stepped in because it was snowing,
And snow always screws up my hair.


Lenny:
By the pot-bellied stove sat a pot-bellied man,
He spoke with some lumps in his throat,
His story was sad & his diction was bad,
And here is the song that he wrote,


Squiggy:
I once was the jolliest fatman,
With roses in all of my cheeks,
I'd load up my sled every Christmas,
And go on a drunk for two weeks.


Lenny:
My friends said they saw me on rooftops,
And sliding down chimmneys at dawn,
With my reindeer in hand I would glide cross the land,
And wake up on somebodies lawn.


Squiggy:
One morning my wife left this message,
Each Christmas I've spent by myself,
I'm sick o' your stupid tradition,
So I've run off to Spain with a elf.


Lenny:
Just then the old man started dying,
His screams made a law take my soul,
We went through his wallet to see who he was,
His address read simply...


Squiggy:
'North Pole'.


Both:
So the next time you go by the poorhouse,
If by the poorhouse you go,
Just take off your hat to a dead guy whose fat,


Squiggy:
And whisper a silent...


Both:
'Ho, Ho'.








(Contributed by Mark Windridge - November 2007)