TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS
Bob Rivers Comedy Group


Chorus : 
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Is finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Husband (2): Rigging up the lights, 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Inebreated man (3): Hangovers, 
2: Rigging up the lights, 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards, 
3: Hangovers, 
2: Rigging up the lights, 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Five months of bills, 
4: Sending Christmas cards, 
3: Hangovers, 
2: Rigging up the lights, 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws, 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards, 
3: Hangovers, 
2: Rigging up these lights, 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Angry man (7): The Salvation Army, 
6: Facing my in-laws, 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Sending Christmas cards, 
3: Oh, Jeez! 
2: I'm trying to rig up these lights! 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Loud kid (8): I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS! 
7: Charities And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!? 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Oh, making out these cards, 
3: Edith, get me a beer, huh? 
2: What we have no extension cords?!? 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
Another frustrated man (9): Finding parking spaces, 
8: DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!! 
7: Donations! 
6: Facing my in-laws, 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Writing out those Christmas cards, 
3: Hangovers, 
2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!? 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
other (10): "Batteries not included", 
9: No parking spaces, 
8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!! 
7: Get a job, ya bum!!! 
6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws, 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards, 
3: Oh, Jeez, look at this! 
2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!! 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials, 
10: "Batteries not included", 
9: No parking spaces, 
8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!! 
7: Charities!! 
6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her! 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people! 
3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper? 
2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!! 
C: And finding a Christmas tree. 
. 
The twelth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 
A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols, 
11: Stale TV specials, 
10: "Batteries not included", 
9: No parking? 
8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! 
7: Charities! 
6: Gotta make 'em dinner! 
C: Five months of bills, 
4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it! 
3: Shut up, you! 
2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!! 
C: And finding a Christmas tree.