YOUR BULLDOG DRINKS CHAMPAGNE
Jim Stafford


There was a lady in a window
In the room across the way
From the hotel I was staying in
While on my holiday
I couldn't help but see everything
'Cause I was peeping I confess
Still after dinner every night
She had the strangest guest

She'd retire to her favorite chair
And sit there with a dog
Fill the crystal glasses
While the fire danced on the log
I watched them drink their bubbly brew
Until the fire grew dim
Then I stuck my head out the window
And said why not me instead of him

Oh your bulldog drinks champagne
And I ain't one to complain
What a perfect waste of wine it seems to be
So honey, tell ol' rover that the big dog's coming over
'Cause any woman that would get a bulldog drunk
Would have to be good to me

Fourteen days and fourteen nights
Not one word did I hear
Her with her silk and champagne 
Over to me in my shorts with a beer
She just left the curtains wide 
And I knew she knew I could see
Her and the pug-nosed mutt 
Guzzling wine and teasing me

Oh your bulldog drinks champagne
And I ain't one to complain
What a perfect waste of wine it seems to be
So honey, tell ol' rover that the big dog's coming over
'Cause any woman that would get a bulldog drunk
Would have to be good to me

So I made a bolder move
I went over and rang her bell
I heard growling from inside 
And I got scared as hell
Then the bulldog staggered out the door
And he said, how do yo do
But the lady bit me on the leg
And I said r-rouf, I love you too

Oh your bulldog drinks champagne
And I ain't one to complain
What a perfect waste of wine it seems to be
So honey, tell ol' rover that the big dog's coming over
'Cause any woman that would get a bulldog drunk
Would have to be good to me