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IN THE PARLOUR WHEN THE COMPANY'S GONE (Kenneth & George Western) The Western Brothers - 1932 (SPOKEN: Now a song about things that happen at home You know, Mother and Dad and things like that 'Cos our Mother and Dad don't get on very well together They haven't spoken for the last fifteen years The other day the kitchen boiler burst And they went out together for the first time) In our family once a week There's a gathering quite unique We have company, so to speak And ev'ryone stays till two Not particular who they are Friends of Mother and friends of Pa But when ev'ryone says "Tata" We never know what to do Talk about a sight ev'ry Sunday night In the parlour when the company's gone Talk about a mess, what a wilderness In the parlour when the company's gone Mother on the sideboard looking very red Father with a bon-bon hanging on his head Looking for the baby underneath the bed In the parlour when the company's gone Shaking out the mat, tripping on the cat In the parlour when the company's gone Sitting on the floor, picking up the door In the parlour when the company's gone Not a lemonade left, not a ginger beer Grandad with the hiccups looking very queer Swinging by his whiskers from the chandelier In the parlour when the company's gone Mary-Ann and sister Sue Pushing orange peel up the flue While the dawning is peeping through And the sparrows begin to tweet Auntie Lizzie and cousin Kate Getting into an awful state Wiping sandwiches off the gate And throwing them in the street Talk about a squash, trying to get a wash In the parlour when the company's gone Think about the cheese, sticking to the frieze In the parlour when the company's gone Up and down the whatnot ev'rybody crawls Trying to get the paper back upon the walls Mother with the clothes horse hanging out the smalls In the parlour when the company's gone (SPOKEN: I wonder if you know the story of the navvy who got a new job He met his pal and his pal said, "So, I hear you've got a new job then, eh?" He said, Yes, I'm what they call an engineer now" "An engineer, that must come rather strange to ya, doesn't it" He said, "It does really, 'cause ev'rything I do has to be worked out to a thousandth part of an inch" He said, "Go on, are there many thousands in an inch then?" He said, "Blimey, millions!") Copper on his beat, trying to get his feet In the parlour when the company's gone Hello, Mrs Hayes, lacing up her ........ shoes In the parlour when the company's gone Custard on the carpet, jelly underneath Granny on the sofa shaking like a leaf Sitting in the trifle, looking for her teeth In the parlour when the company's gone Oh, there's no place like home In the parlour when the company's gone (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - November 2014)

    


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